wide open

I am stealing the idea from my sister to use lyrics to describe my mood. This has been my mood for a long time, but especially this past week. "Stained Glass Masquerade" Is there anyone that fails Is there anyone that falls Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small Cause when I take a look around Everybody seems so strong I know they'll soon discover That I don't belong So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too So with a painted grin, I play the part again So everyone will see me the way that I see them Chorus: Are we happy plastic people Under shiny plastic steeples With walls around our weakness And smiles to hide our pain But if the invitation's open To every heart that has been broken Maybe then we close the curtain On our stained glass masquerade Is there anyone who's been there Are there any hands to raise Am I the only one who's traded In the altar for a stage The performance is convincing And we know every line by heart Only when no one is watching Can we really fall apart But would it set me free If I dared to let you see The truth behind the person That you imagine me to be Would your arms be open Or would you walk away Would the love of Jesus Be enough to make you stay Repeat chorus. I am not perfect. I have a lot of weaknesses. I feel the need to just be wide open and scream to everyone that I have failed. I have fallen. I do not want to tuck it all away anymore. I am not one to express how I feel about spiritual matters. I am not usually an open book. I have a hard shell that is difficult to break through. Few people have made it to the other side. But alas, it has been broken. I am my own worst enemy. I know that through love, support, Christ, prayer, scriptures and my family that I will be okay. My family will be okay. My husband will be okay. My children will be okay. I am so glad that I have a knowledge of a Savior. He is truly saving me. I know that because of Him I can return home - and I would be vain to not recognize that sacrifice. I am eternally in debt to Him for saving my life - both physical and spiritual. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Sometimes I think I can go through the motions of life on my own without Him. Soon I am reminded of my need for Him. And I come crawling back on my knees. The miracle of the atonement is that I can - no matter how many times I fail - I can come back and He will always wrap me in His arms. I am Peter who was walking on water with His eyes set on Christ. Then He takes His eyes off of Christ and sinks. Oh ye of little faith. Faith is a constant battle for me. But I am once again on the road that will take me home. I need Him every hour. I hope and pray with all my being that I will not forget that again. Thanks for reading.